“I’m done. I’m just done.” Have you heard that lately? Have you said that lately? When a person gets on a negative roll, his emotional capacity will hit overload. The biblical phrase “who being past feeling” is so accurate. We feel so much at such a high level that we just stop. We’re done.
Ephesians 4:19 describes those who have walked in the futility of their minds (see Believing a Fly By) and lived in a place of darkness until they are emotionally spent saying, “who being past feeling, have given themselves over to lewdness, to work all uncleanness with greediness” (NKJV). We were created to feel. When normal function of emotion dies down, then lewdness and uncleanness rises up.
As human beings, we have a need to feel. If the normal stuff of life is not stirring up our emotions, the temptation is to seek out something “strong enough” to awaken a sense of feeling. In Ephesians 4:19, that “strong thing” is lewdness and uncleanness. There is always a bit of a thrill in being the rebel, in living outside of the boundaries. It does stir the emotions.
I have worked with many who struggle with sexual temptation. There is always a very high correlation between poor relationship health and temptation for the perverse. Sexual desire is built into us as human beings. It is a given. Self-control (one of the fruits of the Spirit) is meant to keep sexual desire within the boundaries that make for healthy relationship.
The problem is that self-control comes out of healthy relationship. The person who has healthy relationship will tend to value that good relationship, and thus it will be worth it for him to make the effort to guard it in a way that is self-control. The person who doesn’t have healthy relationship will be willing to take risks that are both foolish and destructive to the relationships he does have.
Once he has started down the path of lewdness, the next step is demandingness. He will guard his rights to his garbage. I’ve been to places where entire cities spring up around the city dump. Those who have no other hope for food will zealously fight for their right to sift through the garbage.
Relational burnout feeds the sexual desires and impure sexual pursuit feeds relational crash. Relational crash creates a level of demandingness and desperation that virtually guarantees headlong pursuit of more and more perverse activities in a hope to simply feel something again.
Stop the bus destined for disaster! Sexual perversity destroys marriages, families, and eventually nations. When I work with those caught up in some form of sexual temptation, it is never an easy fix. The answer is healthy relationship. Healthy relationship builds value. Value strengthens self-control. Self-control builds healthy relationship which builds more self-control.
As human beings, we were created for relationship. Out of healthy relationship, there will be a feeding of emotional health. When relationships break down, emotions shut down for a season until they build up and blow up or blow into something unhealthy. The final phrase in Ephesians 5:19 is greediness. At the root of most greed is a desire for power. Those struggling emotionally often try to sooth the emotional side with a sense of power—thus the demandingness.
“I’m done” is not a bad thing if a person responds in a healthy way. A person who is “done” needs to heed the warning to stop, rest, and then return to building healthy relationships. If a person ignores the warning signs, “I’m done” can be one step from disastrous downward cycle. What is your level of relationship health? Seek God. Seek godly relationships. Quality relationship is life.