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Death by Chocolate

Too much of a good thing! I have ministered to hundreds of highly dysfunctional men. I have yet to meet one person who didn’t have a deep yearning to make a positive impact on those around him.

If that is true, why have so many of these men chosen a destructive lifestyle? Everybody has a sweet spot. There is a place where “I am supposed to be good at this. My life should make a difference when I do this.” When people fail at “their” thing, they are quick to get down on themselves and to feel a great sense of failure. Along with the failure comes a high level of pain.

What I find is that most highly dysfunctional people are highly gifted in their “thing.” Greater gifting means a greater sense of failure when things go wrong, and then a greater experience of pain. High pain levels then lead to extreme responses which leads to greater failure and greater pain.

What Seems Right

When we believe that our greater level of gifting can and should win the battle for us, we are set up for failure. Proverbs 14:12 says, “There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death” (14:12). The place where people have the strongest sense of being right is the place of their gifting. The place where they are least likely to listen to others is in the area of their gifting. The place where people are the most likely to blow it is in the place of their gifting.

It is truly death by chocolate. It is too much of a good thing. It is a person who pursues a place of worth without godly boundaries, without healthy input from God and others. The person created to be a nurturer thinks his family should be listening to him at a higher level than they do. In the end, his desire for control totally blows up his fathering attempts.

The servant keeps to himself and does his job, even taking on the jobs of others. Finally he wears down. He is exhausted and angry because “no one noticed his work.” Never mind that a part of his natural tendency is to isolate and become totally absorbed in his work. Never mind that the minimal communication sets him up to receive little or no appreciation. He feels used and he blows.

Our greatest strength is potentially our greatest weakness. The confidence we tend to have in ourselves in our area of gifting makes us not willing to listen to others in that area. When we are not willing to make a few minor changes, it can become a major blow up. Death by chocolate. We believe we are right … that we know how to handle things. Confidence in self makes us press our gift too far.

Where do you have the most difficulty listening to others? Where do you judge yourself most harshly? That is your chocolate. It is your giftedness. Back off a step. Listen more. See what God can do with your chocolate.

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